My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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