Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
