They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
