Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
