oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
