I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
