i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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