The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
