He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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