i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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