Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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