Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
