Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize