thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
