i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
