It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
