Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
