My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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