capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
