Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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