i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
God, I missed his penis.
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