When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
