omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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