Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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