what day is it and did you see me today?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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