i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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