I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
