a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
