Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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