great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
