i was born a porn star she said
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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