Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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