textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
