you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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