I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
