My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize