i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
