No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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