It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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