Plan B is the new Plan A
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
