Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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