i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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