One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
