I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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