oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
