i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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