Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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