My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
