Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
