she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
