i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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