sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
