My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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