IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
