wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
