I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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