You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
