Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I faked an abortion last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
