My nipple is on Facebook.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
