My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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