I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
