I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
