Kiss
Puke
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
