I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
