i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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