I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You don't make any sense
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