i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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