If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize