can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
