Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
