When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
