2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
