Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
