Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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