I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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