I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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