Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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