It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
