Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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