No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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