He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
