There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
