yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
