hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
