I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
