We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize