she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
