I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
