i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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