Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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