roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
