go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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