She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize