I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize