I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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