You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
