Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
