you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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