Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
