how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
