Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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