We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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