all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
