I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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