he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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