Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
