guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
